Availability: participating Bells

Location: 3511 W. Devon Ave., Chicago, IL 60659 (map); phone: (773) 588-9712

Rating: 3 out of 5 – acceptable

New menu items can obviously be hit-or-miss affairs, but Taco Bell’s additions have been surprisingly more pleasant than they seem to have any right to be. And while the Triple Layer Nachos didn’t stick to their Value Menu pricing as well as their Cheesy Double Beef sibling at my particular location (they’re listed at 79 cents online, though the web site does warn that prices and items may vary), the meatless combination of “nacho chips, covered in simmering red sauce, hearty beans and nacho cheese sauce” remained quite palatable — and under a dollar (even with tax).

Traditionally, whenever I order a plate o’ nachos from a border Bell, I get bored about halfway through when I run out of cheese and start to wonder how the tortilla chips would taste with some slices of jalapeno. In this case, I didn’t even miss the usual ground beef as there seemed to be enough beans and nacho cheese for at least two-thirds of the contents in the container. Mysterious red sauce strikes again, but makes little impact (on taste or perceived spiciness), leaving me to rip open the necessary Fire Sauce packets for any meaningful kick. Still, for a Taco Bell dish without meat, I’m shocked again by how my relatively decent experience is only enhanced by the budget price point. If only all meatless dishes could be as gooey and filling — without making me yearn for beef.

Availability: 11 A.M. – 5 P.M., Mon. – Sat.; call to be sure

Location: 1724 S. River Rd., Des Plaines, IL 60018 (map); phone: (847) 699-8590

Rating: 5 out of 5 – great

Status: independent

Judging by the regular restaurant hours listed above, you can see how this decidedly non-chain establishment doesn’t really cater to the dinner crowd. Reports seem to indicate lines out the door on Saturdays, so the 5-10 minutes I might wait on any given weekday to make an order might appear quite reasonable in comparison. If the time (and fuel spent) driving out to this northwest suburb from the city only makes a trip out to River Road that much more doubtful, take heart: the Char Cheddar Burger at Paradise Pup is destination dining for this Snob, and it’s well worth your money.

The picture above represents the bright but brisk Tuesday when this clearly medium to medium-rare burger found its way into my possession. (The squeamish might request a more medium-well char to their meat.) The weather remained cold enough to prevent dining out on the round picnic tables outside, so some shade — perhaps from this very photographer — snuck its way into a sandwich pic yet again. What could not be ruined, however, was the mix of Merkt’s cheddar cheese and grilled onions to produce one of the finest specimens of the cheddar burger around.

For additional examples of the proper char cheddar burger further east and in the city proper, you could try the versions offered at Poochie’s in Skokie, Wiener and Still Champion in Evanston (less greasy), or Wiener Circle in Chicago (perhaps more so). If, as a cultured omnivore, you’ve never had the pleasure of Merkt’s cheddar slathered on your burger up to this point, then a sampling at one of these outposts is strongly recommended. While not as goopy and artery-hardening in sensation as when poured over French fries, Merkt’s could still be quite a shock for neophytes driving half an hour out of their way for a first impression. Others have acknowledged the Pup’s merits, but make sure you order the Char Cheddar Burger (presumably starting with a third of a pound of beef) and not any other for a true taste of Paradise.

As a final topper, the slightly charred bun provides an appropriate contrast to the gooey burger’s insides. Just make sure to call if you’re planning any special trips out here, however, especially around the holidays; last December, they were closed for two weeks starting from the 22nd. Makes sense, but phone first?

Promotion: free with leap-year drink-purchase deal

Availability: breakfast hours

Location: 6740 N. Clark St., Chicago, IL 60626 (map); phone: (773) 743-6932

Rating: 4 out of 5 – good

You might have already read about the promo used on this morning menu item (linked up top), but here’s what McDonald’s says goes into its relatively new, more-premium breakfast-wrap option: “savory sausage, scrambled eggs, melted cheese[s], skillet potatoes, bell peppers & onions, authentic fire-roasted salsa, and a warm tortilla.” How authentic any of this is is not my main concern; I just want to know how to rate what you get for the money. It certainly is worth considering in the morning but doesn’t jump out at you with its $2.49 regular price tag. (See below for more of “the inside stuff.”)

The McSkillet Burrito doesn’t grab me the way Burger King’s Sausage Croissan’wich does whenever a coupon comes my way, but it’s certainly an improvement over the older McDonald’s breakfast Sausage Burrito, which ran for about a buck but contained those tiny sausage bits that just screamed “processed.” According to Wikipedia, the difference is mainly the addition of potatoes and salsa — the latter of which was practically a required addition in the form of optional sauce packets. Unlike the potatoes used as filler in a number of Taco Bell’s 1/2 lb. Beef & Potato Burrito (from the Big Bell Value Menu), however, the taters actually fit well in Mickey-D’s product and contribute to a tastier whole.

When you compare the actual product’s filling (as seen above) with the pictured corporate images (as posted before), all those “unique ingredients” don’t seem to be as bursting forth and pertly packed as purported, but that’s to be expected. What’s important is the overall value, which doesn’t strike as high as the 5-out-of-5 Sausage Croissan’wich or as low as a 3-out-of-5 item that barely gets on my good side. The McSkillet Burrito is simply “good” (if not “great”), but merits special attention at sale prices and for its judicious use of the breakfast-sandwich sausage (read: Croissan’wich-esque patty) for its meat. Sounds like just the thing to go with that gooey cheese and salsa.

Promotion: coupon for free orange juice (regularly $1.19) with any breakfast sandwich

Availability: breakfast hours

Location: 6261 N. Lincoln, Chicago, IL 60659 (map); phone: (773) 588-1976

Rating: 5 out of 5 – great

It’s been a long (okay, relatively short) time coming, but here it is: the first 5-out-of-5 rating allotted. I’d been saving this ace in the hole to show what kind of dish deserves the highest marks in the ranks of (in this case, breakfast) fast food. Does that mean there won’t be other “great” ratings to come? Of course not. This just means that the Burger King Sausage Croissan’wich is fast food of the highest taste and value (the bacon and ham varieties — not so much…), hopefully to be joined by other specimens of equal quality in the future.

So what is the Croissan’wich, and why does it captivate me so? According to BK, it can be described as “sizzling sausage, hot ham, or crispy bacon topped with egg and melted American cheese all on a flaky croissant.” According to Wikipedia, it’s “the signature breakfast sandwich sold by” Burger King, as it rightly should be. Soft croissant — encasing more-than-warm meat, not overdone egg, and gooey cheese — provides the filling morning food fix that you can actually hold in one hand. A round sausage patty with a hint of peppers is the perfect complement to the other ingredients, more substantial than ham and better tolerated than bacon.

Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, of course, but more than a few people I’ve taken to BK for breakfast have been surprised by the Croissan’wich’s satisfying appeal. I’ve still got a buy-one-get-one-free coupon or two lying around somewhere, so if you wanna give it a go, let me know well before the end of this month. Just don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Eat up.